To The Best Friend Who Changed

Page 272 of 365.

When someone is best friends, we usually assume that they always will be. I mean, how could things ever change? Our best friend is our shoulder to cry on after a rough day, the first person we call when we broke up with our boyfriend, someone we share our best and worst life experiences with. Sure, everyone knows that "people change" but we usually figure that our best friendship won't — that our friendship can survive anything because our special bond is impossible to break! But sometimes, we come to the painful realization that we've grown apart from a best friend. Neither of you have come to dislike the other, or done anything "wrong" & you just don't click the way you used to. One or both of you've changed & you've evolved in ways that have left the two of you incompatible as best friends. It's certainly not an easy realization, but we owe it to ourselves & each other to respectfully acknowledge when a friendship has run its course. It doesn't mean we no longer love or care about each other, but it's a hint that we shouldn't force a close relationship that's just not working the way that it used to — because doing so will ultimately disappoint us and burns away our happy memories together.

Psychologist says there are few ways to know when you & your best friend has grown apart :
1) You've constant misunderstandings - Remember when you &your BFF used to basically have your own language, filled with countless jokes? Your conversations often made zero sense to anyone else, because you two were on a wavelength of your very own. Now, not only has that aspect of your friendship faded away, but you constantly find yourself having misunderstandings about your best friend that range from minor to major. Although occasional conflict is unavoidable in any friendship, you find yourself frustrated by unnecessary arguments that stem from the fact that you just don't really "get" each other the way you used to. There may be hurt feelings on both sides of the friendship because you keep misconstruing each other's actions & words — simply because you're not in tune with each other any longer.
2) You go weeks without talking and it doesn't bother you - When we're young or in school, lots of best friends see each other all the time & basically assume that they'll hang out every weekend. As life develops & best friends move or have to shoulder more life responsibilities, they often can't hang out as often as they used to — but they still make staying in touch a priority, religiously scheduling movie dates, calling each other often and always knowing what's going on in each other's lives. However, if there's a significant change in the frequency of your contacts with your BFF & if you don't notice it immediately, it's a sign that you & your BFF are growing apart — especially if you don't really feel upset when you realize you haven't spoken for weeks.
3) You don't feel comfortable with them anymore - You used to have no filter around your best friend and there was no such thing as an awkward silence, because you were so comfortable with one another, you never felt like every moment had to be filled with conversation. You may or may not be able to put your finger on exactly when or why it happened, but now, you just don't feel comfortable with your best friend the way you used to. When you do hang out, you find yourself nervous about what to say and worry about being judged, as though you're hanging out with a stranger, rather than someone who was once your closest confidante. You find yourself making pointless small talk because the silence is awkward and you can't seem to find anything meaningful to discuss. You may start to feel anxious before you see them, because it has become so uncomfortable & awkward. If this is happening, it's a very strong sign that you should take a step back & think about how your friendship is functioning.
4) You've nothing in common anymore - Plenty of friends have different interests & priorities — but I'm talking about when you have literally nothing in common to discuss & there seem to be no activities that you can enjoy together anymore. Your paths, priorities & interests have diverged so wildly that you can't find any common ground. It feels impossible to plan a fun day or weekend because you don't have any overlapping hobbies & you can't even have a lively debate about current events because you don't care about the same things. When you're in such different places in your lives that neither of you really understands what the other is going through & you consistently find yourself at a loss over what to say to your friend, it's a very strong sign that you're growing apart!

I think I need to shield off any new friendships I made. I need to build bricks up against my heart because of the hurt, heartbreak and abandonment I felt when people left. When you are vulnerable, you get hurt. You allow people to step repeatedly over your heart. I always have been a vulnerable person because, I give 110% into every relationship and friendship I am in. After this experience I had, I wished to turn off all my emotions. I've also learned getting hurt sucks and love sucks. I rather feel emotions then feel numb all the time. Feeling hurt is a sign of passion and strength. I am happy I am capable of feeling emotions because, most people are not.

Love,
W.