Did any of your friend ever back stab or betray you? Well, I have! When a friend turns against you, it may feel like the end of the world, especially if this person is who you would normally turn to during times of need.
It's hurt to have someone turn against you or to find out someone you thought was a close friend may not really be who you thought. I think it's normal to be upset and there is no need to hide the fact that you are hurt. I am disappointed because I placed my trust in someone who back stabbed me!
I've to keep in mind that I can't control what other people do or say about me. Getting angry and nasty will not make me any better or more control than I am now. And in the end, if my actions are not in line with my character or beliefs, I will likely feel ashamed or guilty for have acted outside my values.
If a friend or classmate is spreading rumors about me, I choose not make the situation uglier by doing the same. I rather step back and come up with a less vindictive manner to handle the situation instead. The old saying “fight fire with fire” really makes little sense in reality! You normally fight fire with water or something else that puts out the fire, right? Don't fuel the fire with attention or your own negative actions because all that happens then is a much bigger fire!
It can be extremely comforting after betrayal to surround yourself with positive people who want nothing but the best for you. This not only helps me process and cope with a betrayal, but it also reaffirms my value as a person and a friend. When I'm down, my other friends sure has the idea to cherish me. They let me know how much they appreciate me as their friend.
When a friend who knows me well turns against me, it may affect my personal, social, or career standing. Depending on how much of an impact the rumor or betrayal may have had, I must decide if it’s better to ignore it or not. If the problem is simply with the one 'friend' involving a small issue, I choose to just ignore the 'friend'.
What if the 'friend' who turned against you spread rumors or bad-mouthed you to others? I know that some of you will try to defend yourself or approaching certain people and trying to explain your side of the story with something like "Those rumors are not true..." or ''I didn't do that..." But trust me, it's useless! There's always a chance people won’t want to listen. I know that 'actions speak louder than words' but instead of wasting time trying to talk your way out of a rumor, use positive actions to show those around you the rumors are simply not true. If people called you a cheater, try to be transparent about your everyday life to shut down the rumors!
There are going to be times when you need to say something and there are going to be times where you can just let whatever happened go. This process is usually tied to balancing how much value you place in the friendship. You may need to take a close look at this friendship and see if it’s worth fighting for. It might be less stressful to walk away if the 'friend' is not someone you consider to be close but if this is a friendship you value, find a way to solve the issue. In my cases, I ousted her from being my friend! What's the benefit of keeping her by my side? She didn't even apologize and I hate her for that!
I used to take a step back and look at what caused that 'friend' to turn on me. I do not take forgiveness lightly! I used to say "I forgive you and want to move on from this situation but I want you to know that you really hurt me and I may not be able to continue the friendship if this happens again!" I set a clear boundaries with my friend so he or she understands why I'm putting whatever happened behind me. They should know that there's no opportunity to let it happen again!
I used to think that I need to strive to be a better friend so I can attract more loyal friends. l look at the healthy friendships I've mutually enjoyed and learn from those. I learnt to be a better person by not allowing myself to get caught up in drama at home or at school. I learnt to let go of unhealthy relationships!
I don't want to get caught up again in a toxic circle of doing negative things because others do them! I used to be a bad kid before, I used to skipped classes, bullied people, involved in a fight and ended up in the counseling room. I'm just lucky my parents didn't know anything.
In the end, I finally learnt that the only thing I've absolute control over is myself. I get to decide how I react to certain people and who gets space in my life. 'Don’t compromise your personal values for friendships.' This includes hiding things about yourself or family just to keep certain friends. The conclusion is, you've to be a better person in order to gain a better friends.
*P/s: I'll be back with more interesting stories. Stay tuned!
Love,
W.
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